"The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things: Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax-- Of cabbages--and kings-- And why the sea is boiling hot-- And whether pigs have wings." -excerpt from "The Walrus and the Carpenter" by Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass I have always loved Through the Looking Glass. I remember being … Continue reading The Absurdities of Cancer
Category: Diagnosis/Treatment
I Get Knocked Down, but I Get Up Again
Waiting for scan results is one of the most emotionally draining things I seem to do on a regular basis. On September 18, 2018, I had my last stable scan. My next scan after that, December 11th, (thanks, iCal), seemed to be the start of what became a pretty significant avalanche. That scan showed progression … Continue reading I Get Knocked Down, but I Get Up Again
On Sadness and Survivorship
Today is National Cancer Survivors Day. It's a day intended to celebrate those who have "battled" cancer, who have faced the beast and "won." Or rather, who have found themselves in a place of sufficient distance from their disease to find reason to celebrate. Now, don't get me wrong - I also find plenty of … Continue reading On Sadness and Survivorship
A Long Update
It’s not uncommon for estrogen-positive metastatic breast cancer to shift, to mutate, and to become resistant to hormone therapy. Truthfully, the cancer continues to mutate so as to evade all lines of available treatment at some point, including even the most harsh lines of intravenous chemotherapy. This is a critical, but poorly-understood, area of both … Continue reading A Long Update
Brain Fog
I'm currently writing this post from my back porch - there is just enough sunshine dappling my chair to be warming and soothing, but not enough to feel harsh on my sensitive eyes. It's been nearly two weeks since my SRS brain radiation, and barely a month since the brain MRI that set all of … Continue reading Brain Fog
Brain Tumor Chat
I'm slowly digesting this news - yes, now my breast cancer is in my brain. But as I process this information, I also have to keep reminding myself that the lesions are very, very small. These spots are manageable. I've found some measure of compartmentalization that has allowed me to give this new development a … Continue reading Brain Tumor Chat
Good News/Bad News
Clinical trials are always a bit of a crapshoot. On one hand, you have the opportunity to be treated with the most cutting-edge technology, medications, and treatments available. On the other hand, well, it's a trial. There's no truly solid data on its efficacy because you are the data. I felt fairly comfortable with my … Continue reading Good News/Bad News
The Last Two Months
“I do not wish my anger and pain and fear about cancer to fossilize into yet another silence, nor to rob me of whatever strength can lie at the core of this experience, openly acknowledged and examined...imposed silence about any area of our lives is a tool for separation and powerlessness.” -Audre Lorde, The Cancer … Continue reading The Last Two Months
Playing The “What If” Game
As a child, I often tried to make sense of the greater world by trying to understand the relationship of that which was happening in my life in relationship with all of the myriad things that could happen. For years, I would travel down the rabbit hole of "what if," much to the frustration of … Continue reading Playing The “What If” Game
Will It Get Better?
When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I thought my world had ended. I think back to the young woman lying on the cold table, undergoing a breast biopsy, sobbing into her hospital gown. I was afraid I was going to die. When I received my metastatic diagnosis several weeks later, I wandered around … Continue reading Will It Get Better?
